02 Mar How to get what you want – Coffee with Colleen podcast
How to get what you want
Coffee with Colleen Podcast
I started in customer service and admin and later went into law. I studied law quite late and at that time I was working for Patent and Trademark Attorneys.
I admit that I was an idealist. I went into law thinking that I would be making a difference.
But through various challenges, I discovered that law was not what I thought it would be and there came a day when I had had enough.
I gave up law the following week.
My dad had a meltdown. He couldn’t believe that I would give up the law and this significantly affected our relationship, and not in a good way.
Life after corporate
After leaving law, my path took me to working with people more directly. People naturally told me their problems and I knew that I was having a positive impact on their lives.
I was at a time in my life when I also explored my more spiritual side, studying Reiki, Hypnotherapy and Past Life Regression. From there I completed a Diploma in Health Counselling and that took me from what I was doing in the background, to making it my business.
My father was very vocal about my change in direction.
My father was a very traditional German, ‘this is how things are done’, even though he meant it in a good way. He had certain old school expectations in terms of the kind of career you pursued.
We were really close when I was growing up.
In many ways he made me who I am today. He taught me to stand up for myself, he taught him to be strong.
Our relationship broke down a number of times over the course of the years. For example, he couldn’t understand why I was leaving my former husband, Craig, even though I tried to explain it to him.
Lesson in marriage
What I hadn’t realized at the start of that relationship, was that I had married a man who had similar ideals and philosophies as my father. ‘My way or the highway’ was prevalent in both these men.
Craig was 10 years older than I was and yet the age difference was not an issue.
After we had two kids and I was on maternity leave, I wanted to return to study to become a lawyer. His comeback to me was. “Why do you want to do that? You will be too old when you finish that. You can work at the grocery store.”
What! That was the turning point in the relationship.
Colleen: You marry the person that you are most trying to please.
When I married Craig, I didn’t realize that I was marrying a man life my father.
It was a few years later when I had my Ah Ha moment and it was so empowering for me.
Both men taught me a lot about myself, and one of those lessons was that they taught me the lesson of empowerment, as well as toxic relationships and setting boundaries.
Coaching and Empowerment
In my coaching business, invariably clients come to me who have encountered similar scenarios as I have. A client may come to me who has a similar situation in their relationship or their career path. In either case, the story becomes one of disempowerment.
Colleen: How do you help women overcome toxic relationships and setting boundaries? And if they’re feeling stifled and disempowered?
Over the years I have developed a 3 step process:
- Really understand who we are and what it is that we really want. For example, New Years’ Resolutions, we say that we want to give up smoking, lose weight, get a new job etc, but do we?
Are we really committed to these changes?
When we decide what we want, it helps us to get what we want.
- What to do about it? Do we even want to do anything about it? (It’s ok if the answer is no.)
Acknowledging that we may not want to do anything about it.
I had a client (lady) who wanted to bring a new relationship into her life. Her appointment was on 7th Jan, and she messaged me 2 weeks later, saying I don’t think that the new man is coming into my life, it’s been 3 weeks later and I’ve been patient. What’s more is that she hadn’t done anything about her action steps.
How can I help you if you don’t want to help yourself?
Sometimes you may not be able to do things right away.
- End date: Hold yourself accountable that you do action steps by a certain date.
If you want to have a new job, what do you need to do to make that happen? e.g. update your resume, speak to a mentor, do some research, do some training.
Colleen: Helping people define the difference between a wish and a goal.
Goals and our own power
Colleen: How do we tap into that internal power? How can we get to our goals faster?
Is it about finding your ‘why’ – TED Talk – Finding your why, Simon Sinek
Do some exercises on finding your values and what it is that you really want.
Look at your own reasons for your blocks e.g. fears, insecurities, where is that motivation?
Colleen: Motivation is an emotion. Decision is what you really want.
That is so true and when you know what that decision is, it helps you get what you want.
Everything starts in the mind. Decisions come from deep within us and often come from the heart.
Wherever it comes from, whether head or heart, you need to follow through.
Colleen: Do you see some common fears or road blocks?
One common fear that seems to come up time and time again, is that they worry that they are going to be alone.
They stay in the relationship that is in trouble and they know they should be leaving, but they worry that they are going to end up alone, or there’s nobody else who is going to come along or if they do, they’re not any better than what they already have so they say, “I’ll stick with the devil I know. I’m too old to get back out there.”
Mindset: if you keep thinking that you will bring it about. You look for the things that you end up getting.
Colleen: When you change your mindset, what you focus on and what you expect, your life is going to change.
Contacting me for coaching
People can work with me for goal setting, (it’s an online program) or I have coaching programs (via Zoom, WhatsApp or Skype), to propel you forward.
I also offer monthly meditations for inner peace, they give you clarity with who you are; you get enlightenment when you connect with your inner self
Facebook Group: Fabulous 40s, 50s and beyond.
What is your final message?
Colleen: If you could go back to your younger self what would you say to her?
I’d say, believe in possibilities.
My motto is: Life is not about sitting on the sidelines. To achieve success, you need to take calculated risks.
What you start out with, doesn’t have to be what you end up with.
Don’t think this choice has to be your be all and end all. When you look at life in terms of possibilities, it opens up so many new doorways.
I hope that you have enjoyed my blog on How to Get What You Want.
Hear the full podcast here: https://podcasts.bcast.fm/e/xny14wpn
If you are interested in a coaching package, check out the options: Courses & Packages | Dagmar Bryant | Join Now! Step into your new you!